Music left to write!
by fanficfanuk
Summary: An alternative, sad resolution when Will eventually comes to his senses. Set Season two episode 5/6. Not cannon compliant. No ownership rights.
1. Chapter 1

One option when Will eventually comes to his senses.

Set Season two episode 6. Not cannon compliant. No ownership rights

 **Chapter 1**

"He's….…..enchanting"

Will's headshot up and his eyes narrowed as he looked across the unusually quiet newsroom to where Mac stood, head bent, with Maggie.

"Yes I think he's real cute, Mac" Maggie enthused as she held up the picture of her sister's baby on her phone for Mac to see "and he's sleeping four hours between feeds already" she continued, gazing at the picture with a small smile.

"Well that's just lovely Maggie…I hope he continues to do well and Susanna enjoys being a parent…but…..back to work we go" Mac says quietly as she squeezes Maggie's elbow supportively before heading off to her office, head lowered.

Will watched the scene from his office doorway, where he stood with Gary, signing off an approval form for a potential guest.

Mac's words had captured his attention. She rarely used the word "enchanting". Seven years earlier, they'd had a protracted debate about the term, Mackenzie asserting that a sorceress was enchanting when she was casting….well….. enchantments. They'd spent a whole hour arguing good-naturedly and listing all the other euphemisms for cute, with their applications. It was a great discussion, a great memory, because Mac herself looked so cute when she was fired-up about something. Will's lips curled into a smile thinking about their exchanges and his contrary assertions made solely to keep her passionately engaged in converting him to the proper use of descriptors and all the while looking incredibly cute herself.

Mac would never call a baby 'enchanting'…..well maybe a witch's baby….but not any other. Will frowned, what was he missing?

"Hey Maggie" he called to the young associate producer "do you have notes on the D block changes?"

"Sure Will" Maggie nodded and scooped papers from her desk. "Here" she said somewhat breathlessly, as only Maggie can

"Thank you Maggie" Will drawled "and what were you showing Mackenzie just now?"

"Ah!" Maggie fumbled in her pocket and pulled out her phone, turned it and flicked through the screen windows finally producing a picture of a newborn baby in a sailor hat for Will's approval.

"My sister's. Last week. Boy" Maggie telegraphed.

"Cute" Will said with a grin "Really cute"

"Everyone says so, thanks Will" Maggie gushed as Will handed the i-phone back

"Not quite everyone Maggie….Mackenzie called him enchanting"

"Yeah, well that means cute Will and Mac is creative and totally brilliant…he's enchanting too" and Maggie retreated to her desk and the pile of books she was using to get some understanding about middle-America politics.

Will entered his office and settled down at his desk to start his script. He was late already. Mac's words over the baby picture were bouncing round his head making him unsettled. Stupid to be so touchy over nothing he told himself, banning thoughts of Mackenzie and forcing the show to fill his brain.

Mac walked back into her room, sat in her desk chair and swivelled it to face the window. She stared at the sky taking deep breathes and slow exhales as her fingers trembled. She was still so sensitive to some things when they took her unawares.

God she was stupid to feel bad about such small, unintended events…she told herself. She could not avoid the term 'cute' for the rest of her life. But so far, every time she heard the word, she curled up inside with pain, chased back to that moment when Will venomously told her she was not as cute as she thought she was. She'd heard that he'd said 'sometimes' and later he'd sort of apologised but that seemingly made no difference to her emotional responses.

When they had been together, Will had regularly told her she was cute in some way or other. Now, Mac would never be cute again, he had told her how he saw her and the hurt she had felt when he had said it re-emerged every time someone spoke the word in her hearing. There was no way she could use that wording herself, just no way.

Mac allowed the pain and sadness wash over her for a minute unchecked; a technique she had mastered that enabled her to cope with her feelings. Then, she forced herself to stand and square her shoulders. This wasn't worth tears. She had work to do, a show to produce! She turned, still miserable and stretching across her desk for a pile of files, she settled down to prepare for the tone meeting.

That night the show was slickly presented as usual but lacked the urgency and passion that had characterised their best television productions. Mac was losing the heart to push Will because he increasingly ignored her suggestions when he was on air.

Will left the studio and hurried to meet his girlfriend of five months, Nina Howard, as soon as the broadcast ended. Mac remained to sift through technical or production faults with the team before heading to Hang Chews for a wind down alcohol session where she was joined by Sloan Sabbath after Elliot's show had finished.

"Hey there misery" Sloan said grinning at Mac cheekily "what's your poison?"

"Your drink is on order Sloan", Mac rallied a smile for her friend "You're getting a pink pansy"

"and that is…?" Sloan said warily

"I think there was gin and vodka mentioned with some pink concoction to give some colour" Mac smirked

"Sounds gruesome, bring it on" Sloan responded "From the look in your eye I think I'll need it"

"Oh Sloan, I'm just so tired right now….much more than usual, and I can't seem to feel the excitement in things. This last month I've been …well exhausted."

"Isn't it ever since we found out Will was with…..you know…with Nina?" Sloan swallowed her drink and made a sour face.

"Maybe …I am affected by that but I feel so rotten. You're right, let's talk about something else….how's Don?" Mac said mischievously starting Sloan off on a rant about her complete indifference to Don…

Two weeks later, Will attended his regular Wednesday therapy appointment

"Nina is telling me to be more affable" Will started

"Is she? And what do you think?" Habib batted back predictably

"I think what the fuck do I do? 'Cause Mac won't like it and I'm ok with that but it will lead to all sorts of rows at work…." Will states

 _And we're back to Mackenzie_. Habib thinks

"Do you mind if you have more rows at work?"

"No, Mac and I row all the time" Will stopped abruptly, thoughtful "well we used to till recently… but Mac looks a bit down just now."

"And?"

"And I don't want to make her worse " Will said almost to himself "I….the show needs her and she would be impossible to replace." He pauses again before suddenly shouting "Of course I mind"

Now having thought through the idea he really doesn't want to upset Mackenzie any more than he already has.

"OK then, I guess you know what to do with affability" Habib said

"No I don't" will replied petulantly "Nina will be pissed if I don't take her advice and that is not too easy either"

"Sounds like make your mind up time Will…..who do you please? Can you find a compromise? Do you want to?"

Will paused, a pained expression on his face

"Will?" Habib prompted

Still silence…

"Will?"

"She can't say cute" Will blurted out "Mackenzie, she can't say the word and she twitches when she hears it. I've watched her" Wills gaze dropped to his shoes "and it's my fault" he ended softly, ashamed

"What are you saying Will? Can you explain what you mean?" Habib prodded curiously

So, shamefaced, Will recounted a brief version of his hurtful remarks to Mac months earlier and his recent awareness that she had not got over his unkindness. His comments had had no basis in fact …well really it was the opposite…she was always as cute as she thought she was, cuter actually in his eyes. He'd been angry and had said it to hurt her, to divert her from pestering him about a message she'd never received. And then he'd started dating the person who had heard the contents of said voicemail and who had prevented Mac from hearing it. Mac knew he knew that…and…it was a mean thing for him to have done. It was all so spiteful.

"It's not mean Will if you like this woman, Nina, and think you can make a life with her" Habib said "It's only unkind if you did it just to hurt Mackenzie"

"Which brings me back to my dilemma; Do I follow Nina's instructions or Mac's wishes?" Will dropped his head into his hands

Habib looked at the man in front of him wondering how he could be so clearly obtuse for so long. He decided to help.

"Tell me about Nina…..who is she to you?" Habib asked calmly

"She's an attractive, smart, successful, journalist who writes about celebrities and their lives. She's a great date, is supportive of me and interested in my work and is also a good lay. She is easy to be around and I like her." Will stated firmly, barely taking a breath to think about his words.

"Are you planning to marry her down the line if she'll have you?" Habib cut to the chase

Will paused for one second "Umm no, I don't think so…but I might live with her" he prevaricated to justify his dating someone he knew he wouldn't settle for

Habib let it pass unchallenged and waited a few moments before nudging Will to think further

"And children? Would you want her to have your children?"

Will was silent… all the reasons why he could never trust Nina flash into his thoughts…..she lied for a living, or exaggerated at the least and she didn't mind hurting people to make a living for herself. She took money to sit on stories, she was a felon….would she be a good mum for his children? For any children? Would she get him embroiled in her less legal activities? Oh my God what was he doing with her?

"Err I don't think she wants children and that would be ok with me" he stuttered somewhat shocked

"Ok then, if Nina is your future, when are you going to ask her to be more permanent?" Habib pressed on

Will glowered at him. He was never going to ask Nina to be more permanent and he could see that clearly now. What had he been doing to Mackenzie and to Nina? What had he been thinking?

"I'll think about the affability thing" he replied closing down the subject.

Will rushed back to the office after the session and slipped into the ongoing pitch meeting. Mac raised her eyebrow in acknowledgement and continued with her instructions to Neal about his research. She turned to the white board and swayed slightly, grabbing the table to stabilise herself. Her voice sounded soft as she started work on Maggie's pitch and a brisk debate ensued about the best way to present the facts.

Will tried to follow the discussion and think of a contribution but he just could not focus. He had actually looked Mac in the eyes as he entered the conference room. Mac was grey with exhaustion, all elbows and harsh cheekbones. He suddenly realised that she had been losing weight while he had been dating Nina and wrapped up in his 'moved on' world. He had barely managed to look Mac in the face for several months and now he was paying attention, he was concerned at what he saw.

Five minutes later Mac moved them to the next pitch which was related to jobs in the clothing industry being taken by child labourers in China. Tess whipped out a tiny baby grow covered in embroidered animals. "Here is an upmarket infant import" she said

"Ohh it's tiny, how cute" came from Maggie

"That is just so cute" seconded Martin and Kendra together

Mac's expression changed instantly

"'Excuse me, sick" she muttered as she rushed from the room holding a hand over her mouth

The staff was silent, surprised.

"Err …Maybe we could give Mac a few minutes and get started on what has already been decided " Will suggested as he rose and purposefully made for the female rest room on the next corridor.

"It's ok Will, I've got this " Maggie said as she hurried past him towards the ladies room.

"Uh good I guess" Will muttered as he frowned and turned towards his room from where he could watch for Mac's return. She could have used his bathroom he mused….it was closer, but their relationship wasn't as it had been since Mac had learned Nina was in his bed. Well, after his session with Habib this morning Will was determined things between them were going to change.

Once Mac had returned and Will was sure she was back safely in her office, he settled at his desk and started on his script. He felt lighter than he had in months, years perhaps. Enthusiasm coursed through his veins. He was sure of what he wanted and he could be clear about the facts rather than keep worrying about his popularity profile. He actually became engrossed in his presentation trying to keep Mac's basic principles in mind.

His cell phone bleeped with a message…Nina. He felt a pang of anxiety. He needed to see her and end their relationship. He intended to do it tonight in person but the text reminded him of Nina's holiday plans; she'd told him about them last month.

Nina had arranged a trip upstate to interview a celebrity and she was going to make a break of it by staying a few days with a girlfriend she hadn't seen for ten years. There was a lot of catching up to do and vast quantities of alcohol consumption planned. Nina was not going to be around till Sunday. Damn.

Will texted back "Thanks for the reminder. Have a good time."

They never used names…too aware of media attention.

After the show that night Will called into Mac's office once he was ready to leave. The room was dark and her coat and bag were gone. He felt a sharp pang of disappointment. She always stayed late….at least she had in the past…. but he had been bolting from the studio most nights for almost 6 months now, to meet Nina, so maybe Mac's habits had changed.

He headed for Hang Chews, though on a Wednesday night most of the staff went straight home. None of his team were there. He ordered a scotch and considered his options

Will thought about going to Mac's apartment and telling her what the message said. That would be nice except he really needed to finish things with Nina before starting his life with Mackenzie. He wasn't free yet…and a text message or phone call was not the right way to end a half year liason, of that Will was certain. Nina deserved to have their relationship ended in person. He'd have to wait, next week would have to do.

Work on Thursday was uneventful except that Will became more animated about the show than he had in months. He pushed the staffs' ideas and engaged in debate but Mac was tied up in meetings with Charlie and he had no opportunity to spend time outside of the conference room with her. She didn't call in at his office either. She rarely had since she'd learned about Nina.

The show that night was a good one and he heard the smile in Mac's voice as she ended the broadcast "Really good job tonight Will, thank you" she mumbled quietly, almost to herself.

Will went straight to Mac's office before changing this time in hopes of getting her on her own and suggesting a drink. Charlie was there with her already and did not look like he was going to budge.

"Will" Charlie greeted "Great show tonight, thought you'd forgotten how…"

"Charlie" Will moaned, "Ok I know I've been off recently, following my audience a bit too much …but no longer" he said with a cheeky grin "I'm back"

"You need to be" was Charlie's reply bobbing his head "We need you to be"

"Mac, thanks for the support in my ear tonight, can I take you two for a drink?" he asked hopefully, including Charlie to make it seem ….well…. ok for a man who had a girlfriend to ask another woman out.

"Good idea, lead on" Charlie rose up as the words left his mouth. " but you have some things to do I believe Mac, don't stay too late "

And Will found himself in Hang Chews with Charlie but with no Makenzie in sight. No rosebud gathering tonight. Now he understood how Jim ended up dating Lisa.

"That really was a good show tonight Will" Charlie repeated to him as he took another sip of his drink "Your team did you proud"

"I know Charlie, I know. Mac was right to grow her own people who didn't know how to do news badly"

"She's right about most things I've found" Charlie muttered sadly into his drink "I'll miss her"

"What are you saying Charlie?" Will's voice rising high with panic "Mac's not going anywhere. I'm asking her to marry me Sunday night"

Charlie gave him a pained look "So, have you come to your senses or are you merely trying to secure your show the best EP in the business?"

"Damn the show Charlie, Mac is incredible and I've waited far too long to tell her so. As soon as Nina returns from her trip, I'm breaking things off and proposing to Mac. I just hope she'll say yes. If she doesn't, I'll keep pestering until she gives in."

Will expected the usual "attaboy" or a "finally" garnished with an eye roll from his boss but Charlie merely hung his head , shaking it sadly "Time I was outa here " he breathed as he squeezed Will's shoulder before making for the doors.

Next morning, Will came to work at 11.00 to find Charlie in the conference room with most of their staff. Jim and Sloan were missing. Will slid into his chair and waited.

"I have a sad announcement" he started "Mackenzie will no longer EP Newsnight…she's telling her friends now, and handing over the reins to Jim as we speak. This is an interim measure"

A brief silence was followed by the young journalists clamouring out questions together …..why? how long? will she be back? where is she going?

"I understand your surprise people," Charlie said, holding up both hands for quiet "All I can tell you is….Last week Mac felt so ill she saw a doctor who quickly escalated her to a specialist. She has a rare form of cancer usually found in people twice her age. She is facing a massive surgery and then chemotherapy. Before you ask, her survival likelihood is very low. Mac is going home to her family in the UK who are going to see her through this ordeal. Please be sensitive this morning and let her say her goodbyes. She's devastated to be leaving you all. She's trusting you guys to keep this going for a while. I know she'll be round to you all before she leaves. Please go back to work and make her proud"

Charlie's voice wavered and he looked at his shoes. He found the prospect of losing Mackenzie as hard as everyone else.

Will sat in stunned silence with the rest of the team. Finally, they rose and filed out quietly.

Will remained staring numbly into space for many minutes.

 _Charlie had called Jim and Sloan her friends_.

 _He got that he had forfeit her friendship by punishing her and sleeping with Nina_ but he was going to put that right…he had plans…..he'd already decided to dump Nina and start his life with Mac.

 _She needed to know. He had to tell her right now._

And then Will started to process Mackenzie's situation ….she was mortally ill. She was leaving to die far away. He would not be able to comfort her, to hold her, to tell her how much he loved her.

He had to see her!

Will finally pushed himself up from his chair and rotated his large frame 3600, his eyes searching for signs of Mackenzie through the single glazed glass conference room walls. She was not immediately apparent so he strode into the bullpen and asked the first staffer he met

"Where's Mac?" he barked at Martin

Martin stared back at Will "Up with Charlie" he answered

Will set off towards the elevators as Martin shouted after him "She said she'd be back down "

Several minutes later Will burst into Charlie's office, which was empty though the lights were on.

He set off for the executive dining room but that was clear too -

"Have you seen Charlie Skinner" he asked the waiter there

"No sir, Mr McAvoy, not at all today"

Thinking Mac might want to see Don and Elliot before she left, he went to their studios getting increasingly more anxious that he would have missed her completely forever. He just couldn't think straight. His need to see Mackenzie grew stronger every minute. He power walked to Don's office and stuck his head inside

"Seen Mac?" he demanded "Has she been here?"

"Sorry, she was here a while back but I don't think I'll be seeing her here again today. She said goodbye" Don replied "Don't hassle her Will, she'll find you when she's ready "

"Didn't ask your advice, Don." Will growled as he turned on his heel and retraced his steps to News night's studio.

Finally breaking into a run, Will burst into Newsnight's bullpen in search of his EP, panic now gripping his chest. He froze midway across the workstation area . Mac's room was in darkness, the door wedged open and her name plate missing from its mount. He had a clear view of her empty desk reflecting the lights from the newsroom, and the bookshelf behind it missing her Peabodys.

He'd missed her!

His heart felt as though it had fallen into his stomach. His mouth turned to sandpaper.

He'd really missed her and the bottom fell out of his world. Damn his pride, damn Nina and her hacking tricks. Just fuck

Trembling with remorse and fear, Will turned heavily towards his own room. He needed to start work or tonight's programme would be a poor effort, and it had to be good for their team, his team, Mac's…

Will entered his office, and there sat Mackenzie, in his chair, waiting for him… _of course she was_.

Thank God!

"Where've you been Will? I've been waiting for you?" she said rising to her feet.

Will noted her pale skin, the deep shadows under her eyes that her concealer couldn't hide and the tendrils of hair that had escaped their elastic cuff and cascaded down her cheeks. She was the most beautiful he had ever seen her…because he finally accepted that every time he saw her he fell just a little more in love than the time before. It would always be that way for him, a physical law of the universe in action.

"Can't all take time off in the day, Mac. Some of us have work to do" Will batted back with a tiny smile -of relief maybe?

"Came to check up on your progress before I head out" Mac said softly. "Made any tabloids while Nina's out of town?"

Will took a pace towards her "It won't be Nina's business for very much longer" he said evenly

"Oh Will!" Mac's voice dropped to a whisper "I was only kidding. I hope you two are ok. I'll never want you to be lonely"

Will took another step towards her. He was an arms -length away.

"Oh! I won't be lonely Mac, I've got a cable news team to lead and a hot ex I love more than life who will be needing all my spare time." He paused to let her catch up "hopefully for ever"

Mac's brow furrowed, "What are you talking about?" she queried sharply her gaze turning hard "Don't mess me about Will, please. You're with Nina, you can't change your life round to try to fix us now just because I'm ill. She won't wait for you to take a break Will. It's too late. You can't just decide to do things because you feel guilty or upset. We've had our chances and it wasn't meant to be. Just look after Nina, be the man you can be, for her.

"Nina was never an option for me Mac" Will hissed crossly. "I was being stupid thinking I could move on with her. I love you….I always have….. marry me!" It wasn't a question

Mac stared at him for several seconds in silence, her expression fliting from surprise to longing and settling on resigned distrust. She took a long breath….

"William Duncan McAvoy" Mac said firmly "this is no way anything but a response to hearing I was sick and thinking you should do something courageous to help. Thank you, but I am going to England where my mother is all set to feed me broth and help me chose a wig when my hair falls out." she paused before continuing

"I don't need rescuing Sir Galahad, not any more" she said giving him a stern look and crossing her arms round her torso defensively "I have to go so I'll say goodbye. Please don't come to my flat or the airport or anything….this is hard enough without any arguments " And with that, she leaned in and brushed his cheek with her lips, turned and left his room. She didn't look back.

Will stood transfixed. He felt desolate. He had lost her over again. He won't survive this time

Will slid his pad from his desk drawer and began to write his script

"Jenna" he boomed

Will did the best show he could that night with the team trying all out to give him good material. But everyone was subdued and small groups could be seen muttering together as they exited.

Left mostly to his own devices, which he appreciated, Will sat for an hour at his desk after the show, staring at the drawer where the ring, her ring, was sitting. Playing different scenarios in his imagination, his nervous tension calmed a little. He would make a plan and act on it. He wouldn't add another lost opportunity to the mountain of past chances he had frittered in the belief that he had forever to sort his relationship with Mackenzie.

He ignored 3 texts from Nina, hoping she would get some inkling that their time as a couple was on notice. He didn't like abrupt endings and would have preferred to prepare Nina and end things with her then leave a respectable gap before starting something new. He had been brought up with manners. And there were the tabloids to consider too!

He understood how Mac would believe he was just reacting to her illness, who wouldn't? Oh, why hadn't he acted sooner? He'd been so close; she'd waited so long.

Then, decisively he unlocked the drawer, transferred the blue box to his briefcase and walked out of his office.

Once on the pavement, Will caught a cab to Hudson Street and filled a holdall with a change of clothes before taking a cab to Mackenzie's mid-town apartment block. He took the stairs, to avoid the inaction of waiting for the elevator, and soon arrived outside her door. Before anxiety could cause his resolve to weaken, Will rapped loudly on the wood with his knuckles.

No reply. After a full minute he repeated his assault. Another minute and still nothing

'S _he's already gone.' His inner voice told him. "Told you she'd never stay with you didn't I?" Will heard inside his head in the exact tones of his father? "She'd never stay with a hick like you "._

 _And at that moment Will's logic was overpowered by deeply laid emotional responses and he was completely certain all was lost and he would never see her again. He began to tremble and he was aware of his chest tightening and a ringing sensation in his ears._ _Panic washed over his body as he began to sweat. He felt sick and disorientated as he had as a small child when his father had gone to the barn for his stick._

And as if on cue, without more encouragement, Mackenzie's door swung open and his fear fell away as it had so often when they had been together.

He looked at her in disbelief….for an instant he had been convinced he would never again set his eyes on her.

Knowing him so well, one look revealed Will's terror to her; his frame tense, breathing shallow , expression grim and his blue, blue eyes wild.

"What part of don't follow me home did you not understand, Billy?" she said so softly he knew she was not really mad at him. Mac had called him Billy and he had missed that so much. She had rarely said it during the past two years and never since Nina was in his bed. She knew just what would help him when he needed it most. She always knew.

"Sometimes, Kenz" Will replied holding her gaze, willing her to understand, "I'm not as bright as you think I am"

They stood transfixed for several seconds when footsteps echoing up the stairwell jolted Mac into action. She leaned forward and pulled Will through her doorway into privacy. Dropping his wrist, she led the way to her small sitting room, bare but for several cardboard removal crates.

Will stumbled behind her, horrified at the lack of Mac's usual clutter; photographs, books, colourful throws, mementos and pens, lots of pens. He had not been to her apartment since her return- but he had imagined her many times settled in her room with a book or sprawled across her bed inking in a crossword, changing the boxes to fit the words she preferred to suit the clues.

Now her life was packed into a dozen containers. Finally it hit him…..she was not coming back. She was not going to be able to.

And then he sobbed, his shoulders shaking and his head in his hands.

Mac stepped up and wound her arms tightly round his chest, laid her head above his heart and held him firmly as realisation of her predicament washed over him. She murmured small reassurances as she gently rocked to and fro, comforting him. Will dropped his cheek onto her head and slid his arms around her, pressing her to him.

They stood for a long time gaining strength and heart from each other and gradually his tears dried up and Will knew that he was exactly where he wanted to be forever.

Mac felt him calming and tilted her head to look into his eyes…"Well, anchor man, what sort of an encouraging goodbye do you think this is?" she smiled widely at him "I'm off to face a horrid operation and you take all the limelight!"

"Mac" Will breathed "Mac, I'm so sorry, about us and you being ill and me being stupid and mean and ev….."

"Shush, shush" Mackenzie hushed as she placed a finger on his lips "Stop making this all about you! It really isn't so bad you know, you're just shocked and getting used to the idea. You'll be fine in a while, especially when Nina is back in town"

She took a long pause, getting her own feelings and thoughts in order before proceeding.

"I knew we'd have to have a longer talk, Will. I knew that you would have some reaction to my departure even though you hate me much of the time. It's ok that you have pushed me away repeatedly. Because now at least I don't feel I have to worry about you when I'm back in London. You have a long term girlfriend and a team to protect, who will go through fire for you. I'm pretty sure I'll be missed at the helm of the show but Jim is good and he has promised to stay in my stead unless you want to find someone you approve yourself; you've paid enough for the privilege…."

Her words petered out and waited for Will to consider what she'd said

"Kenz, you have everything wrong. I don't hate you. I never ever stopped loving you" Will stated earnestly

"Didn't feel like that at all! You need to bone up on your word definitions, Will." Mac replied trying to lighten the mood.

"When I tell you I love you, you ….." Will started again

but Mac interrupted "I say you better you better you bet!"

"Stop Mac, just stop. This is not a joke" Will huffed his impatience. "We don't have time for sparing now. I love you, have always loved you. I was a coward and an idiot for not forgiving you when you came back. I should never have let go of you."

Mac stared at him pityingly, narrowing her eyes in disbelief. "Please Will, I know what is happening here. Because I was so desperate that you forgive me and love me again, you are offering me your forgiveness and love now. You think that will make me happy. That is so like you, you are such a good guy. But for me that time has passed. I don't need a boyfriend, I need to go home and fight for my life knowing that all is good with you. I need you to hate me, not miss me. I need you to be happy surrounded by people you love and who love you. I know I helped surround you with those people-even Nina- and that though it didn't work out for me, I managed to help fix you a little and it makes me happy that I did that."

"Oh" Will's confusion making him terse, "you don't get it; I don't hate you; you have it all wrong"

"Shush….I always knew you didn't hate me completely Will" she whispered " but…if you could just leave it all as it is, I can finish up here and fly out of your life and into my new one tomorrow…or rather this morning"

"But Mac" he started

"Please Billy?" she begged, shaking her head

"Can I stay tonight?" Will pleaded

"You're with Nina" she replied firmly giving him a small shove towards her entry.

"It would seem so" Will answered, as he reluctantly moved out of their embrace and towards her door.

At that instant he decided he would play her game. He could date Nina for a little while longer and lead their team and love Mackenzie forever. If she made it through and thought she had a future she could be wooed and he'd be waiting.

"But you'll take calls and visits from friends and ...and people who love you?" he asked, picking up his abandoned duffle bag on his way to the door

"Of course I will, Billy, you know I will…. I never stopped" Mackenzie smiled and ran a finger down his cheek in farewell.


	2. Music left to Write Chapter 2

Authors note : you are all going to hate me! You have been warned.

the title comes from THE LONGEST DAY by BILLY JOEL...but you all knew that right?

Will returned home in a daze, tingling from his physical contact with Mac. He could still feel the ghost of her arms around his chest and her head nestled above his heart. Every fibre of his being hankered to be with her right now. She needed support and he'd let her send him away to Nina while she set off on her own into battle. Alone! Again!

Shit! She had been protecting him from the pain of her pain he realised. He should have known she would do that and been prepared to challenge her.

How had he let that happen?

He grew angry with himselfthen. He knew he had done what she asked at that moment, in her apartment. Done what she said she needed him to do to get herself through the next few days and weeks. He always found resisting Mackenzie impossible, he knew that …..except when he had resisted her begging to be forgiven, to be loved, to be cared for, to be told the message in her hacked voicemail. He should have loved her when she wanted him to. It would have solved everything. Now she wanted him to hate her and to be with Nina and **now** he was following her instructions? Seriously? Shit.

Will phoned Charlie determination in his voice.

"Hi Charlie" Will said urgently

"It's 3 in the morning Will, wha…" Charlie started to ask

"I need to know what time Mac's flight is, Charlie"

"Now Will, don't you go worrying our poor girl"

"Just need the facts Charlie. Is she going in the morning or later?"

"Mackenzie could tell you herself Will if she wanted you to know" Charlie replied cagily.

"Thanks Charlie" will said sarcastically when it became clear to him that he was never going to get the information he wanted from Charlie. "Oh! and I need a month" he put the phone down.

Will phoned the twenty four hour number on his agent's card. A customer liaison clerk, who identified herself Tracy, answered and he asked her to book him on the same plane to Heathrow that his EP was booked on in the morning.

"No problem Mr McAvoy, I'll get back to you asap" was her reply when she realised his Black Amex was of the metal kind.

Will started to add clothes to his holdall and fished his passport from his safe.

He checked the time…now 3.30 am. Too early to phone Nina.

His phone beeped as Tracy rang back to confirm the details of his passage to the uk.

"I've put this in an email," she began "but thought I should check in with you as it is only seven hours to departure" she explained. "You have a first class ticket from JFK to London at midday today. Your EP is in business class on the seating plan"

"How do you know that?" Will was curious.

"Ah well you said your EP was going so I searched for AC N bookings on the flights today and this is the only single one but it's one way." She chanted "There are no other possibilities."

"Thanks Tara, I'll check my email for the ticket, Can you upgrade Mac to first class do you think? As a surprise if possible"

"It's Tracy, and I can't imagine there's a problem with upgrading but your colleague will know before she boards if she hasn't yet checked in electronically."

Will searched his messages and printed his e-ticket. He lay down for a couple of hours but could only toss and turn. At 6am he showered, dressed and completed his packing. He answered his emails. At 7.30, the earliest time he felt he could phone Nina, he made the call

"Will? what is it?" came Nina's voice rough from sleep.

"Hello to you too Nina, you doing ok?" Will started

"Why are you calling so early, William?" Nina continued using the name she adopted when she disapproved of his actions "Is something wrong? You haven't been returning my texts" her voice accusing

"I am going to the UK today, Nina" Will says "and I'm ending our relationship. You have been nothing but lovely with me. You are not at fault. This is all about me. I apologise and you are quite likely going to hate me. I'm sorry to do this over the phone but I have to go. Today! Now! I apologise" Will ran out of steam

"Has something happened to Mackenzie?" Nina asked in a whisper

"I need to go now Nina. Good luck, I wish you well" Will said and cut the call

Will poured himself a cup of coffee and phoned for a cab to the airport. Being free of Nina felt good. He could not have kept seeing her, whatever Mac wanted.

Will arrived at the check-in area for the British Airways flight 40 minutes earlier than necessary wearing an A CN cap and dark glasses. He was impatient to see Mackenzie, his anxiety about her reaction to him going to London with her was building up. What if she made a scene? What if she totally rejected him?

 _What if she said she didn't love him anymore? He had gone over what she'd said to him incessantly and she had never actually rejected him._

Will took up a seat some distance from check-in to watch for Mac in case she needed help with her luggage. He shouldn't have worried because she arrived with two minutes to spare with Jim in tow. Charlie had sent an A CN car and Jim hauled her luggage to the weigh scales and stood as she waited her turn.

With Jim close beside her, Mac stood upright and kept a smile on her face. She spoke fast and he replied, shaking his head, though Will could make out what they said. Then they were in an embrace, Jim clinging to her as his shoulders began to shake. He broke off to walk away but turned after two paces and stepped back for another brief hug. Then Mac patted his face, kissed his cheek and gave him a warm smile as she shoved him towards the doors and the waiting car. He was wiping tears as he walked away.

Mac walked forward to the scales and Will got up and walked quickly to the security queue. He passed through the process without a hitch and repossessed his items from the ubiquitous plastic tray. He walked up the corridor that lead directly to the duty free shops and lounges and leaned against the wall half way along, waiting for Mackenzie. Several passengers gave him enquiring glances but his disguise was for the most part effective.

And then there she was, walking towards him stuffing items from her tray back into her pockets. She looked sad…..far less jaunty than she had been in Jim's company. Will pushed off from the wall and stood straight in front of her, barring her progress, removing his cap and glasses as he did so.

Mac saw his familiar outline in front of her and with recognition came her widest beaming unguarded smile. Her eyes crinkled at the corners and her expression was of happiness and complete devotion. He could see her love for him in her face.

Will strode towards her and drew her into a replica of their hug the previous evening. His arms wound tightly round her and her head automatically tucked under his chin above his heart. After a beat, her arms rose to encircle his torso and she snuggled into him. This was right, he knew he had been right. Thank God!

They held each other for a long time oblivious to the tabloid photo opportunities, Mac's hands curled into Will's shirt under his coat

After several minutes Mac started to squirm, gently pushing her way out of his embrace but Will could not let her go just yet….he'd almost lost her again and he needed the contact.

"Will? let me.." she began

"I know, I know …just "

"But you'll…" she trailed off

"I'm not going anywhere unless you're there too." Will said into her ear. "We are going to London together and doing this thing."

"But, Will…"

"No buts, together Mac." Will repeated as he released her and slowly stepped back. Looking down at her, he took possession of her hands "For Ever," Will added in a whisper with a genuine wide grin on his face. He was feeling…he was right there finally, completely.

"Coffee?" He suggested

Mac thought for a few moments "A latte with cinnamon" she stated "and a bacon roll" and she slid her hand round in his so that she could tangle her fingers with his.

"Come on, old man, let's find a trolley, I'm suddenly ravenous" she teased looking at him closely "Have you even slept?"

"So now bacon is the healthy option?" He remarked as he slung her bag over his shoulder before grabbing his carry-on.

"No, _you're_ having the egg white omelette with low fat spread on your toast" she grinned giving herself up to the safety she always felt in Will's company. For some reason she felt ecstatic.

For the two hours, after they ate, they giggled as they window-shopped in the duty free area, selecting Christmas gifts that would suit their families, friends and colleagues . They agreed immediately on Charlie's scotch, but everyone else's was a hilarious exchange of suggestion and counter suggestion. They laughed so much, tears had to be wiped away. When Mac looked tired Will shepherded her towards the executive lounge area and she plopped into a seat while he collected chocolate covered strawberries and cups of tea from the courtesy snack table.

During the flight, Will gripped her hand, told her he loved her over and over and found he could fall asleep as soon as her head was on his shoulder. Mac said very little on the plane until they had both caught some sleep and were an hour from landing.

"We need to talk Will" she started, holding his fingers tightly in hers "You've made today magical ….I've been dreading this journey but instead it's been spectacular and…" she paused then started again "When I saw you, I really believed you were a mirage and I was already dead. I'm still not sure that I'm not" She looked up at him, her eyes focused on his.

"After two bacon rolls you might be" he shot back, his blue eyes twinkling…she'd said he'd made things good for her, that he'd made a difference. God he loved her!

"But you can't stay here with me, you have a job and a life and a team who depends on you for their jobs, for leadership." She said so quietly he barely heard her over the continuous drone of the engines.

"I only want you, Mackenzie Morgan McHale and the rest is just … it's irrelevant" Will fixed his gaze to hers. "There is nowhere else I want to be right now but here with you. You always make me want to be better. I'm selfish, I want that"

"And….. Nina?" Mac said the name hesitantly, as though afraid of his reply

"Oh! Mac, Nina was not the person for me. We're no longer together. That's over."

"Then you need to find someone else Will" Mac sounded sad

"Oh I have….and she has this lovely British accent and tells me off all the time" he grinned "She's a bit young for me but what the hell…I can cope with that."

"Stop please, you know we can't do this three thousand miles apart. I need to know I haven't ruined your entire life Will" Mac was becoming exasperated "You have to go back to Newsnight"

"And I fully intend that Mac, I'm on a month's leave and when you are improving I'll take you home with me and get back in harness…..gives us a goal!"

"No…my mum.." Mac began

"Your mother is great, but you two will kill each other after a month and I am looking after my own wife" Will almost shouted, then lowered his voice "it's a Nebraska thing!"

Mac blinked her large brown eyes at him, her expression suddenly closed. "What the fuck is happening here?" she queried as her eyes squinted in suspicion.

"I asked you to marry me Mac? It was only yesterday. Didn't know cancer increased short term memory loss" he sniped

"And I didn't say yes!" she parried "I'm not wrecking your life anymore"

"You will be if you won't marry me. Only you will ever be able to give me what I want"

"But I can't Will, not anymore. Being with me has no future, only pain, and misery and grief."

"Stalemate then" he said

"Yes" she said crisply

They were silent for several minutes

"You do realise I'm offering me and I won't survive another rejection Mac, I know how I'll feel because I thought you didn't love me all last summer." he slumped, dejected in his seat as though he was utterly finished. Tears formed in his eyes and he looked away from her, out of the window to where mist and clouds swept past.

Hearing his words, Mac marshalled her strength and sitting up a bit more she stated firmly

"I am not rejecting you, I would never…I'm saving you."

Mac hastened to reassure him, placing both her hands on his bare arm. "I love you and I always will. I'm not rejecting you" she said more firmly than before, willing him to understand and not take a rebuff from her response.

"I'm not being rejected?" Will asked

"Not at all" she confirmed

"And you care about me?" he checked further

"More than anyone in the world, ever" she assured him stroking his arm

"Then wear my ring Mac, it would mean so much to me…please" Will pleaded pulling a scuffed blue cardboard box from his pocket and fumbling it open

"But I don't…" her words tumbled out without thought when he cut her off

"Mac, what's the harm? Please…" and he turned to her with his blue eyes pleading – a look she had always found impossible to resist.

"I can't…" she began again but she was feeling totally exhausted and couldn't think of a reason not to make Will happy by such a small thing when he looked so despondent.

"All right…..All right! if it makes you happy I'll wear the ring but …. I don't promise anything more….I…i'm not going to be around long Will." She muttered, a lump forming in her throat as she thought about saying goodbye to him permanently and not being able to comfort him. Just the thought was killing her!

"Don't bank on it," Will drawled, his expression turned into a wide smile as he sat up in his seat, lifted the ring from the box and, taking her left hand, he placed the ring reverently on her third finger.

This should have happened years ago he thought to himself as he gazed at Mac's hand carrying his ring. He glanced at her. The look on Mac's face told him she was thinking the same.

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Then he leaned over and kissed her on the lips gently before pulling her into a hug. "Mackenzie McHale, you will soon be transformed into Mackenzie McHale McAvoy, my wife. You can't die Mac, I forbid you to die." He said into her ear before kissing her temple

"Together we will be invincible!" he murmered sliding his hand over hers. Mackenzie tangled their fingers together and squeezed so that he could feel the solid band between his digits. He had finally done the right thing…..he just knew it.

"Mmmm" Mac acquiesced smiling but suddenly too tired to comment. Her head dropped back onto his shoulder. Will shifted his arm to pull her tighter as the hum of the undercarriage release echoed down the aisle.

"Not much longer now Mac, almost there" Will spoke quietly into her ear "Oh! and I forgive you, you know that, right? ….Mac?"

Will nudged Mac's shoulder with his, but got no response. Her head fell heavy against his upper arm, and her hand, though warm, slackened in his grasp.

Somehow, death was so not like sleep at all…. but if you keep up the pretence, you can prolong life for a few more minutes. He could stay like this, with her in his arms for the last time. He would have to lose her then- to the medics, the funeral people, her family. Will closed his eyes and concentrated on committing the smell and feel of Mackenzie McHale to his memory. He imagined he could feel her chest rising and falling.

Right now was just him….and her …for maybe 20 more minutes or so, they could still be Mac and Will.


End file.
